Carter Style

Sneaky rat

2010-10-22T17:32:00.002-05:00

A conversation on the way home from school:

Will: Mommy, look at that car! It's like a Corvette. I wish Daddy could have a Corvette.
Me: Did Daddy ask you to say that?
Will: (Hangs head) Yes.

Do I feel dumb...

2010-07-31T21:52:00.008-05:00

A lot's been going on.

In May I had a baby: Max Schuyler Carter was born May 24th at 7:25am; weighed 7lbs 9oz and was 20.25 inches long. Quite the difference from his brother (8lbs 8oz and 21"), not that I'm comparing. Max is an original name for us, but my love of family names is represented in Schuyler (or Skylar, phonetically)--it was my great-grandfather's name, uncle's middle name and brother's middle name. Spelled it the original way, thank you very much.

Max is a dream. He looked exactly like Will when he was born but is starting to develop his own little (darling) face. He has jowls, which I love.

The other thing about Max is he squeaks, which is kind of adorable once you get used to it. When I took him up to work one day during maternity leave, a colleague said he thought I was carrying a piece of squeaky luggage. It turns out Max has stridor and now we have to figure out what's causing it. As it's been explained to me, the best case scenario is the cartilage surrounding his larynx/trachea didn't harden like it should, so when he takes a breath it causes the cartilage to vibrate and produces a squeaking sound. When he gets excited (from hunger or the ceiling fan) it gets much louder and faster; when he's calm or in a deep sleep it's softer or non-existent. Because of the latter, I honestly believed it was getting better; the doctor, however, said because it's still going on and it can get loud means it's progressing and he wants me to take him in to see a specialist for testing.

So, Wednesday morning I have to take a hungry 10-week-old to have chest x-rays and to do a swallow study where Max will drink a radioactive dye and possibly also have a tube shoved down his throat.

I can honestly say I'm not worried about the results; I really think they're going to tell me he'll grow out of it. I mean, he's gaining weight like he should and growing like a weed which, if there was something obstructing his airways and preventing him from eating, wouldn't be the case. I'm worried about seeing my little baby lying on a table somewhere. Or worse, not being able to see him lying on a table somewhere. I keep telling myself there are thousands of parents across the country that would give their eye to "only" have my child's condition/situation; there are too many people who've lost their babies to cancer or heart failure. This? Stridor? I'm convinced is nothing. It's the diagnostic process I'm dreading.

So anyway, really looking forward to Wednesday.

Irish drinking song

2010-01-27T21:13:00.002-06:00

Uncle Scott and Aunt Stacey came to visit just before Christmas--Uncle Scott taught Will to drink beer.

Bedtime shenanigans

2010-01-26T21:23:00.003-06:00

Jason's been out of town a lot lately. A lot. He left last Thursday, came home Sunday night, left Monday afternoon and is expected back next Sunday. Rough when you've got a 3 year old. Even rougher when you've got a 3 year old and are trying to grow a second child. We're doing just fine, though. Jason had told Will to be a good boy while he was gone and Will's taking it to heart. Bedtimes are going much smoother, he's following directions better, just being all around awesome.

Will spent the night w/ Grandma last Friday and got to stay and play for a majority of Saturday as well. Since he got to spend so much one-on-one time with Grandma, now he's kind of used to her being around and wanted to call her tonight to say good night. So I turned the phone on speaker so Will's voice would be the first she heard. It rang forever before I realized that tonight was her tennis night, I heard her pick up in a panic:

Grandma (shouting off the phone): It's my pregnant daughter-in-law! She's home alone and never calls. I hope she's okay.

Will: Grandma! You have to come to my house. I love you, Grandma

Me (shouting): Janice, we're fine! I forgot tonight was tennis! Everything's fine!
and then she hung up. I still don't know if she heard me--hope so.

Will was disappointed he didn't get to say good night, so I decided we could call Daddy. Of course he didn't pick up either, so Will had to leave a message on the voicemail which I knew would break Jason's heart, but it bothered Will that the people he most wanted to talk to weren't available.

So tonight at bedtime, after hugs and kisses and one last glass of water, Will went to give hugs and kisses to the wall.

Whoo Hoo!

2010-01-10T22:49:00.002-06:00

First post of 2010!

Lemme explain....No, is too much. Lemme sum up:
Our fancy-schmancy computer essentially blew up. I've had limited computer access and no pictures.

HOWEVER.

Jason bought a fancy new camera and has set up a Flickr account for us here. He's already posted some stuff and it's very cute. Since Jason's doing it, it'll probably be posted to often until he gets a new project.

I'll be better about updating from now on. Promise.

Thanksgiving lunch

2009-11-20T11:36:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was Will's Thanksgiving Lunch at daycare and parents/grandparents were invited to attend. I was scheduled to meet Grandma at the school shortly before noon so we could watch the kids do some last minute dancy-dancing before lunch.

When I got to the classroom, I was accosted by many tiny people wearing the most adorable Indian hats--complete with feathers--and a beautiful spread of Thanksgiving lunch, complete with all the necessary sides. But Tiny was nowhere to be found. The bathroom door was only open a crack, but I could see his little striped arms going nuts, so I figured he was almost done and I could surprise him when he came out. So I waited.

And waited.

People were starting to sit down to eat, so I finally went to check on him. As I approached the door I could hear sobbing. Opening the door, I immediately saw a pair of poop-streaked and completely saturated underpants. Then I saw a sock and a shoe. Sitting precariously on the toilet seat was the sock mate, preparing to say good-bye cruel world and end it all.

Then I turn to see my sweet little Will, going commando with his pants on backwards and soaking wet but his little Indian headress and feathers completely unscathed, sobbing because he had an accident. Which he blamed on his shoes. I got him calmed down and cleaned up, all while reassuring him I wasn't mad, and he proudly told me his socks didn't get wet.

Thank God for that.

We wound up having a wonderful time: the food was really good, the kids were really funny and Will felt pretty special having both Grandma AND Mom show up.

That's Jenny behind Janice--I have the most awesome picture of Jovie being thuggish but don't want to post it unless I get permission.

Policeman-Fireman-Knight

2009-11-16T08:36:00.003-06:00

Knights were sort of the original firemen, what with battling fire-breathing dragons, right?

Class Picture Day

2009-11-13T10:42:00.000-06:00

I guess he doesn't want anyone to see his neck wrinkles?

3-year check up

2009-11-11T13:26:00.000-06:00

I took Will to the doctor today where he was quite the little gentlman. The nurse asked him to step on the scale and, when she accidentally knocked something from the cabinet, he ran to pick it up and said "Here you gooo!".

Will is 39.5" tall and 37 pounds. Dr. Daniels picked him up, turned to me and said "He's very dense, isn't he?" That's exactly how I describe him to people: dense. Also? I know, Doc; trust me, my arms and I know. To be fair, though, Will outweighs his peers anywhere from 5-13 pounds but doesn't look anything like a tubby. Well, check out the past couple of posts for recent pictures if you don't believe me.

Also very sweet, Will's started talking to my stomach asking for BrotherSister (due in May). He likes to invite BrotherSister to play his drums and use his pirate ship and generally being the cutest thing ever.

To the best husband ever

2009-11-10T20:01:00.000-06:00

Happy anniversary, babe. It's been a great eight years.

My son, RuPaul

2009-11-10T19:58:00.000-06:00

Jason allowed Will to get himself ready for bed. FYI: 3 is a very, very fun age.

Halloween 2009

2009-11-09T15:07:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm still here. Apologies. I just really hate this new version of Blogger and it's such a PITA for someone as computer-handicapped as I am.

Regardless, I can still figure out how to upload pictures.

For Mimi and Jim

2009-10-01T19:43:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the jammies--they're Will's favorites!

Guess which gift is our favorite?

2009-09-21T17:25:00.000-05:00

I'm hoping this isn't the start of Will's career as a Hot Cop.

Happy Birthday Tiny!

2009-09-19T20:25:00.048-05:00

EDIT: I'm not going back and re-formatting this stuff again. You're adults: deal with the wonky layout.
First things first: I haaaate the new version of Blogger--I had a hard enough time with the old template and now they're throwing all these new things at me.

Anyway, today was Will's birthday party. Up until Wednesday of this week, I'd been under the assumption that all the children invited were coming (approx 12): that's a lot for us, folks. Due to a series of unfortunate illnesses (hope everyone feels better soon!), our crowd was whittled down to about 5 kids. Not to sound awful, but I'm really glad not everybody made it today. Because my great idea to have the party at a park came to a crashing halt when the playground at said park was under construction:

Mom and I were scrambling to get a hold of all the outside toys we could so the kids weren't completely bored. Luckily, we got a hold of Daddy and Papa and they pretty much saved the day. The party was allowed to go on as planned.

Will, Kylie and Jovie had a good time with their pirate hats. Fitting as today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (thanks Auntie Bethany and University of Texas Football!).

I adore the little boys in these pics. Regular visitors to this blog recognize Kylie (cousin) and Jo (rock star); the new kids are the Robinsons, Gracie and Bradley (children to Doug & Larissa, cousins to Jovie). They had just driven in from Houston and were subjected to their first outside play time since 7am in addition to sugar.

Needless to say, Doug and Larissa loved me.

Thanks to everybody who came--Will had a blast! We missed everyone who couldn't make it up and hope everyone feels better soon.

Finally, I really, really hate Blogger.

Worth the wait?

2009-09-15T20:06:00.000-05:00

Will picked out the outfit himself.

Of COURSE it is....

2009-08-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

Good thing: going to the lake during Tax Free Weekend because the beach is empty...

Bad thing:...except for the bikini models and their photographers shooting the Hot Bods Bikini calendar.

Sick, masochistic...

2009-08-21T21:48:00.005-05:00

Now, I'm not saying for who, but I do believe I've got some Christmas gift ideas lined up already...

Day 4: Still successful

2009-08-20T15:27:00.004-05:00

I've been told I'm much more pleasant today.

I'm very envious of all my friends losing weight (you know who you are) and realized I need to get my ample-sized butt to the gym if I don't want to turn into a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon very soon (what with the non-smoking and increased snacking to offset the non-smoking.... eh, that was a better metaphor in my head). Moving along. Yep, I made it to the gym this morning. Didn't do a whole lot, but it was 45 minutes more cardio than yesterday.

AND... I finally got the ball rolling on Will's birthday party. I tried to reserve the venue; I successfully ordered his invites (20 cents/piece! And printed envelopes! And 3-day rush order!) and have begun purchasing some of the decorations/favors. I say tried to reserve the venue because apparently they're not accepting reservations this week. (This is not a high class resort where they have a waiting list; it's a rec center, complete with little old ladies playing bridge in the waiting room. I swear I heard one of them say "Picture it...Sicily, 1923") So it's at the same park as last year and hopefully the weather plays as nicely as last year too; if not, party at D-Dub's house!

Apologies all around

2009-08-19T11:29:00.002-05:00

I'm still smoke-free, but more to the point, I'm still bitchy.

I apologize if anything I've said or my actions have offended you; it was never done intentionally and, more likely, was done as a joke but, looking back, with thinly veiled aggression.

Regardless, it's never appropriate and I'm a bit old for name-calling.

I'm sorry.

Good-bye old friend

2009-08-16T22:12:00.007-05:00

I did it.

I smoked my last cigarette. I have officially quit. I'm not pregnant.

Please congratulate me so I can read back on comments during moments of weakness when I invariably think "Gosh, $7 for a pack really isn't that bad".

Start now.

EDIT:
In all seriousness, thanks everybody--I really appreciate it.

Potty Update

2009-08-16T18:45:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Will's Big Boy Day at his new school. That's the day where we no longer use pull-ups: everything is underpants. Ms. Dee (his teacher) has told us Will will have accidents; there will be lots of laundry at the end of every day. I'm supposed to bring a crapload of underwear and spare clothes--a second pair of shoes is optional, but a good idea. He will apparently have a Potty Mentor: a little boy from the 4 year-old class that will show him the ropes in the bathroom. Sidenote: none of this is new information. Will knows exactly what to do in a bathroom. We've been keeping him well informed.

Last night Will stayed completely dry for 13 hours. We put him in bed at 8:30, asleep at 9, he wandered into our room somewhere around 7am and we didn't get up until close to 10. That pull-up was as dry as when we first put it on. Also, when I did finally get him to sit on his potty chair, I have never seen (or heard) him produce so much urine.

During the day, if I ask him if he needs to go potty, the answer is always "No!". I've discovered the trick is to race him. Race him into the bathroom, race him to take off our pants, race him to pee first (Will always wins). This has yet to fail me, by the way. He always, always produces during these races.

Today I kept him in underwear after his nap. We went to a playground and shopping for birthday decorations. I remembered to keep a spare set of clothes in the car. We made it home dry and happy (even after drinking a cup of water). I was excited until I remembered that my child has the ability to hold it for thirteen flipping hours. I don't understand how he can ever have accidents at this rate.

Yes, I know it will happen. There will be stumbles and falling off the wagon. I'm just so excited for him. I'm excited for us to no longer have to budget in diapers/pull-ups into our monthly groceries. I feel bad that both sets of grandparents as well as we still have a practically full pack of these pull-ups.

Totally worth it, regardless of how well tomorrow goes.

Vegas 2009

2009-08-14T23:34:00.012-05:00

The last time Jason and I went to Las Vegas, I was three months pregnant. We decided it was time to venture west again--preferably when the thermometers are exploding and the deals are at their lowest. This time we decided to make a trip out to Hoover Dam, which is a sort of Mecca for Jason.

Just as we were approaching Lake Mead we started seeing all the signage for helicopter rides over the dam--we were thisclose to signing up for one.

Thank God we didn't.

This is the arch for the bypass bridge currently being built. They're using a lot of the same technology used for the original dam-building. Hopefully, the poor workmen aren't wearing the same clothes used before: courduroy pants, Wellies and baseball hats dipped in tar.

Look! We're cute!
Only I could find penguins in the desert.

Still cute! I'm looking a bit heavy, but damn cute.

We stayed at Mandalay and the tram to Excalibur was sent straight from Heaven. Jason was very excited to get solicited for the first time, and Mom and I had a blast making fun of all the women dressed like solicitors and their footwear.

So that was about it: Mandalay is beautiful, the pools were divine and Jason and I lost a whole bunch of money. Will had a blast with Grandma & Poppy and is better behaved now than when he left me. Yay!

Saturday

2009-08-08T21:16:00.003-05:00

It was God-awful hot today, so The Abs & Pops and I took Will to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream after nap. Short Stack has been dry all day today and I've been super-proud of him. While we were in the "ice cream house", he told me he needed to go potty.

Guess what?

It was an excuse to go into an accoustically-sound room and scream his mother-loving head off. Apparently people standing in line to order were looking at each other wondering what the hell I was doing to my child in the public bathroom. While Will was running around the bathroom enjoying the sound of his own voice (very much his father's son), he literally ran into the sink. You'd think the thing was made of rubber with the way Will bounced off of it.

Easily the funniest part of my day. Not so much for Will, who's now sporting the makings of a black eye.

Bet you say that to all the girls

2009-08-06T20:27:00.005-05:00

Things you don't ever want to hear in your life:

"Man, you really salivate a lot, don't you"

-your dentist

Wipeout: Thanks Rob

2009-08-05T21:43:00.006-05:00

I got home from work a little late tonight and Jason was a busy little rock star and had dinner ready for us and Will had already eaten. We settled in as a family to watch a little Wipeout (recommended by Unca Rob) and... well, Will's already started his daredevil-ness:

Yes, he did jump off the recliner. Repeatedly.

And yes, Jason did recline the recliner and make Will fall. And we did laugh.

Moving right along...

2009-07-23T23:07:00.002-05:00

This might possibly be my favorite picture ever.

Happy Birthday Papa!

2009-07-23T22:56:00.004-05:00

Will wanted to build you a train. Of trucks.

Few more touches....

Done!
See you in a few!

This goes beyond polite

2009-07-19T20:43:00.003-05:00

Today we went over to visit the Greats: it was just us and them, which we so rarely get the opportunity to do so it was...well, great. Will misses them like crazy and doesn't get the one-on-one time like he used to. Plus, they're really cool. I love listening to Dora talk about her past and how she grew up; and Willie throws out some of the best one-liners. For example: "Our washing machine caught fire the other day; why do you think that could have happened?" Willie's answer: "Something's wrong with it".

Anyway, while we were there, Will got to watch a Backyardigans episode where the tiny animals pretend to be knights on a mission to deliver a (very important) message. They deliver it to a king who then presents them with some big honor. The penguin, moose and 'girl whose species is as unique as her name [Uniqua]' then bow to the king kangaroo and they all go have a snack together.

As we're leaving and saying good-bye to the Greats, I ask Will to tell Grandma thank you for dinner. Will places one foot forward w/ knee slightly bent, one arm behind his back and bows at the waist while saying "Thank you for dinner, Grandma".

I was pretty psyched when Will started saying please and thank you with regularity, but bowing? Is awesome. I want to teach him to say Your Grace as well.

Potty Training II: Pee Harder

2009-06-30T21:58:00.004-05:00

He did it AGAIN!

I got home from work today and Will ran up to me, gave me a hug, a kiss and asked to go to the bathroom. Just what every parent wants. And then Jason said Will peed twice today at school. You know, on the potty chairs there; if it had just been in his diaper, it wouldn't be worth mentioning here.

I really haven't worried about the potty training too much up to this point. I figured that no child ever goes to college while still wearing diapers and that Will would let me know when he was ready. I'm not going into this with blinders on: we're still a long way away from big boy pants, but I'm just so damn proud of this kid. Seeing his little face light up when he's sitting on that tiny little toilet and he tells me it's coming is like no other feeling in the world.

I love being Will's mommy.

Another note: he learned to peddle his tricycle today. Eee!

SUCCESS!

2009-06-29T21:17:00.005-05:00

Since I don't want to be featured on STFU, Parents I'm posting this here rather than on Facebook.

Will peed in the toilet today. Three times. After taking a bath.

I know several adults who still pee in the shower.

Dunbaby watch

2009-06-19T09:15:00.004-05:00

My sister-in-law, Kristy, is expecting a baby boy late next month. Well, that's when we're expecting him.

Kristy, sit down and keep your legs crossed. No baby until we get back.

Uptown Park

2009-06-14T21:22:00.004-05:00

It's been God-awful hot this weekend (well into the 100's) so we cooled off at a make-shift splash park up in Cedar Hill.

Will demonstrating his modeling pose:

I can't take pictures worth a crap, so any good ones are courtesy of Jason.

Wait, that's not true. I took this shot in hopes of showing Will sitting on one of these fountains to give himself a baby enema; I got this instead:

Paint the fence, indeed.

A day in the life...

2009-06-13T20:38:00.008-05:00

I started my day bright and early by listening to Will yell "MAMA!" Beat. "MAMAAAAAAA!" As I'm walking to his room (without my glasses) I glance briefly at the clock and see that it's 7:15--perfect as we're supposed to be at Jason's grandparents in an hour for a wonderful breakfast spread. I change the diaper and we walk into the kitchen to get him a snack and realize I should put my glasses on in the morning: it's 6:30. Waaaaay too early. So I do what I swear I'd never do and pull up an episode of Will's favorite show and go back to bed for a blissful 30 minutes.

Eventually we're all up and ready to go and have a wonderful morning w/ Jason's grandparents, Dunbar's and Cousin Dustin and his girlfriend. Good breakfast, stress-free morning.

We meet up with Rebecca and Courtney Dark for a lunch break on their drive to New Jersey. The illustrious Cracker Barrel was about all that was available in the area we were meeting, and Courtney proceeded to confuse our waitress with strange lunch requests: things like "Water for me, please" and "Can I get this salad without the chicken?" and finally, "No, I don't need a to-go box". Seriously, Courtney, can you reign it in a bit? Always a good time with the Darks.

After nap (for Will and me, since we'd been up so early) I decided to take Tiny swimming. Our child is a rock star in the pool: he has no fear. He dives right in, holds his breath and opens his eyes underwater and looks for Jason. Will's got a pretty mean dog paddle right now and loves when Jason throws him across the pool. I, of course, wanted to get in on this action but revert immediately to baby playing, where I hold him and bounce up and down in the water.

My thanks for this?

Will blows chunks in the (crowded) neighborhood pool. We were towards the edge of the pool but instead of lifting him out and letting him finish up on the concrete where it could have easily been washed away, I hold him tighter to me (I guess to squeeze out any more of the vomit, as though Will was some sort of vomit-sponge) and try to catch it in my open hand.

Note to self: don't do that anymore.

I get Will out of the pool and over to the showers and try to rinse us both off as best I can. That's when Jason comes up and takes over and severely stresses that I go into the ladies room and take off my swim top and rinse it out in the sink. That was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever done. The vomit had indeed gone down my top and collected in the elastic waistband underneath the bra cups. Just when I thought I'd gotten it all, I'd find more gathered in the shoulder straps and clasps. How the hell did it get behind me?!

When I felt comfortable enough to go back out I was surprised to find people still in the pool. Apparently nobody noticed my tiny little fish discharging a days' worth of food out of his nose and mouth into my bathing suit. I didn't feel comfortable getting back in before I managed to completely disinfect the suit, so I sat in a lounge chair in the sun until I realized just how ripe I smelled. I hoofed it back home to make dinner and wait for my boys to join me.

When they did, Will went immediately into the tub and felt much better.

There's a Flashdance joke in here somewhere but I'll leave that for you to make.

Suck it

2009-06-13T00:32:00.013-05:00

OK. I give. In the past two months:

My friend had a beautiful baby girl. The child can already lift one eyebrow and I swear she rolls her eyes at me when I tell a bad joke (which is often). Also, best water-breaking story ever: Friend was uncomfortably pregnant and believed the child was going to be Buster Bluth-ing it in her womb. Friend and her mom did a quick shopping trip and after walking out of the dressing room, Friend felt it. All down her pants and form a puddle in her shoes. What does Mom do? Mom says she doesn't want to waste her 30% off coupon and goes ahead and checks out. The topper is that Mom drove Dad's new car to the store and parked at the end of the parking lot so Friend had to walk with water-laden clothes and shoes out to the BFE of parkings spots. I love Friend's mom so very much for giving me this story.
Our friends Rob and Noelle welcomed their first (human) baby, Jackson, in early May. We haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet b/c we don't live close, but we're excited to do so in just a week or so!
I had a birthday--it was...memorable. Heh. Mom took me to Shreveport on a Gilmore trip where we slept until noon, ate dinner too late and lost all the money we came with. As it should be. Also, I got the most awesome birthday wish ever from the aforementioned Jackson. Kid can sing, yo.
Will has become a ping pong player with the maddest of skills. We have ping pong balls on top of our kitchen cabinets. His hand-eye coordination is astounding to me: he can hit balls that have been thrown at him (we're good parents, honest!). He loves lightning, Dave Gould, Poppa and, apparently, boys. Will plays very well with other children, especially other children named Violet. Dave and Bethany came up for a surprise visit, immediately following an exotic trip to Costa Rica (which parts of apparently look like Texas), and Will and Violet played wonderfully together. Anytime Will showed evidence of a temper tantrum, Violet gave him a look then looked at her mom all "What's his problem?".
Jason turned 31. We had a party! And people showed up! I drank too much and didn't take pictures though.
Stacey was in for a visit. Made a quick 20-hour trip to Austin where I learned that, in all fairness, linen is a tight weave. Also? Three women can finish a bottle of rum pretty easily. I did take pictures of this and promise to post the one or two that didn't turn out completely blurry.

So, those are the highpoints of the past couple of months.

Sibling Rivalry

2009-06-12T11:47:00.003-05:00

Found it! I found it! The most wonderful picture ever!

(Courtesy of Awkward Family Photos)

Two months, huh? Sorry...

For Bethany

2009-04-14T15:57:00.003-05:00

This site is so right up your alley. Oh, hey!

Not that you're bad at crafts--that's the one way you, Jason and my mom are sickeningly alike

Tour Chernobyl?

2009-03-25T20:39:00.003-05:00

Interesting, with a good dose of chilling and some creepy thrown in too.

Finally!

2009-03-24T20:21:00.005-05:00

A place to get my whiskers styled for a fancy evening out.

So today sucked. My company laid off 30% of the Network staff (you're defined in my company as being Network or Traffic). I'm thankful--really--that I'm not part of that, but all remaining employees are being asked to take a salary cut. Granted, it's not a 100% cut in salary, but it still hurts.

Let me explain something: I'm about to celebrate my nine-year anniversary with The Company. Nine years. I've been employed with The Company longer than Seinfeld was on the air. Longer than All in the Family. Anyway, I went from 2002 until 2008 without any kind of pay increase. I moved into a safe (meaning not ghetto) house in a better (no hate crimes) neighborhood in a city with a higher cost of living with no adjustment to my income. Again, I reminded myself that at least they were letting me keep my job. Then last year I was given some good news: I got a 3% raise. My company recognized my increased job duties and supervisory skills in an area where I had absolutely no desire to become versed and awarded me a 3% increase in my worth.

Too bad this was right on the heels of daycare tuition increases making the whole thing a moot point.

Where was I? Oh yeah, 3% in six years. So, in exchange for my job, they're reducing my salary by 5%. Not only did my raise really get negated, but they took more than they gave me in the first place. I make less today in 2009 than I did in 2002; I'm worth less. I'm worthless.

Thanks Westwood One. Thanks Shane, Peter and Tom (page 5). You guys are the best. Enjoy the remaining 1-3 years left on your contracts that we still legally have to pay you millions of dollars for. Appreciate it.

Dickheads.

Someone loves me

2009-03-20T22:18:00.005-05:00

So for a while now I've been mourning the loss of a couple of my favorite tv shows: Arrested Development and Veronica Mars.

Someone has answered my prayers.

I just discovered Party Down. (This gives you the first episode. You're welcome).

It's got a very AD feel to it with some of the sight gags and situations. The boss has a slight David Brent from the British Office. Almost everyone on the screen at any given time has been in either Veronica Mars or Freaks and Geeks (two words: Bill and Haverchuck).

It's almost as though Rob Thomas, Judd Apatow and Paul Rudd thought "What would Jill like to watch on a Friday night?" I don't remember writing the wish list but they've apparently gotten a copy and put it into production.

Of course, since I'm already salivating over only the first episode, it will of course be cancelled toute de suite, but since it's on cable I might get six episodes out of this. God willing.

Soccer-a-no-go

2009-03-16T20:16:00.005-05:00

Pele he is not.

So today was our first--and probably last--Spring soccer practice. Will did pretty well at the three drills he attempted, but he's not so much with the listening to directions. Any readers may have two minutes of "I Told You So"s starting now.

The coach, Amy, had said that all they wanted this age group to do is kick the ball in the goal. There we're good. Will kicked the ball as hard as he could towards the goal and everyone clapped. Then he needed a Bubba Water break (you can barely see the cup in his hands: it's bright pink).

The second drill was a run and kick. I believe soccer players actually call it "dribbling".

Please notice the approach. Will keeps the ball well within his limits and maintains control at all times. Too bad it's veering directly left of the actual goal.

He did make it in however:

He did start the afternoon in shin guards and would actually point them out to various people on the field. He'd also randomly shout out "I got shin guards!" at different points during practice. It reminded me of those stupid forwarded emails I got freshman year of college about how to freak people out in elevators: my favorite was "I've got new socks on."

Anyway, like I said, he did a few drills but always wound up running back to us crying and I spent most of the hour-long practice holding him. I had a feeling he wasn't developed enough for this (even though he was faaaar from being the smallest one of the ten) but figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot. So tomorrow I'll call and withdraw him and attempt to get our money back. We'll try again in the fall.

March 14, 2009

2009-03-15T15:54:00.008-05:00

So yesterday was a bit of an exciting day.

I had gotten word on Friday night that Will's first soccer practice will be Monday evening at 6pm (first game is Saturday, March 28th). His coach mentioned that shin guards are required for all games, so yesterday morning we ventured into the world of sporting equipment and bought the boy some guards. I was worried that he'd hate wearing them, but apparently Will's got no issues.

Yesterday was also my SIL's birthday. As a joint birthday gift for herself and daughter, she purchased a bounce house. Yes, she did:

She swears it's the best $400 (!) she ever spent. The initial purchase was intended for Kylie's birthday party so all attendant kids could be in there at once. Still not sure how that's going to work out: the weight limit on it is supposedly 75 lbs, which means Will and Kylie combined just make it.

The two of them did have a blast and I'm thrilled that I don't have to shell out the money for it. Will was exhausted by the end of the evening, but he still had time for some ham:

Yes, that is his motorcycle and yes, it is on my furniture.

Like I mentioned, by the end of the night Will was pooped and ready to drop anywhere:
Also, this afternoon I got word that my new Varsity Cheerleader and soon-to-be-16-year-old niece, Alexis, and her daddy might make it up for a visit at some point this week. As Six Flags will undoubtedly be on the agenda, we'll have to remind Matt not to bring his keys.

Do you remember?

2009-03-10T21:14:00.011-05:00

An old friend got married this weekend.

We went to the wedding in Austin and I was asked that Will not attend. He wasn't specifically singled out as not being invited: it was a small beautiful wedding in an old elegant hotel and kids and these situations don't go hand-in-hand. It hurt, though. It hurt because the bride is one of my oldest friends and we live such separate lives but, every time we talk, she always comments that, no matter how long it's been since we've been in touch, we always go back to the way we used to be together.

We don't, though. She would have met my two-and-a-half year old little boy by now if we're the way we used to be. I would have met her husband before the wedding if we're the way we used to be. I feel like we'd be part of each other's lives more--or at all--if we were the way we used to be.

I actually went into this weekend not looking forward to the event at all. My feelings were hurt that this woman, who was once so important in my life that she stood as the maid of honor at my wedding, hadn't asked me to be a part of hers in any form. I was annoyed that I wasn't invited to a shower, but my mother was. I was annoyed that I was being asked to attend and to have my son excluded. I was annoyed that she was, essentially, asking me to choose between her and another friend by scheduling her most important day on the other's birthday.

I'm glad I went to the wedding.

It really was beautiful, the bride was stunning as always, but even more so since she is madly in love with her husband. I can honestly say I'm thrilled for her--I've always wanted her to be happy and she really seems to be. Her husband seems like a really sweet man who wants nothing more in the world than to make and keep her happy.

The whole time at the reception I felt like I was saying good-bye. The alcohol had a lot to do with that, I will freely admit. I cried when the bride danced with her father and I cried even harder when I danced with mine. I felt good about her--and our relationship to this point--when we left the reception and drunkenly made our way back to our hotel. I told her I've missed her friendship and the way we used to be. I told her good-bye and her husband to take care of her.

I don't know where we'll go from here. I'm sure I'll still get mass text-messages from her on holidays, but that's more than she gets from me. I'll still send her Christmas and birthday cards, but that's more than I get from her. I'll still get my feelings hurt when she doesn't acknowledge my son's birthday. She'll still get her feelings hurt when I call to wish her a happy birthday at 11pm the day of. We'll continue to live our lives separately and remember what we used to be.

I do want her to be happy. I want her to have a good life. But I want to remember that it's okay that friendships drift apart and you become different people. It's not bad, it's not meant to be cruel; it's just a natural part of life. The friendship has reached it's expiration date. I think we're there and I need to admit that it's okay to let it go.

I don't know if I can though. Because as I write this I'm sad and teary. And I don't know if that's because I think a large part of the way we are now is because of me. And I hate feeling like I've let someone down in that way. Because she has been there for me, been a real and true friend, through some crappy parts of my life. And I don't know that I've done that for her.

You take the good, you take the bad...

2009-02-28T20:32:00.011-06:00

You take them both and there you have The Facts of Life.

So today was fun.

Started out with a trip to the Ft. Worth Zoo with our friends the Harpers. We did the primate house fairly early on because I wanted to see how the other gorillas were reacting to their fallen comrade (answer to that being not well). We swung over to see the chimps where Jenny and I had ourselves giggling with our running commentary while watching a big chimp (who we were calling Mama Chimp) trying to discipline the smaller chimp (Junior). Mama was chasing Junior all around their area and we figured he was in trouble for hiding the bananas and bratty chimp sister must have told on him again; Mama kept seemingly reprimanding Junior and actually pointing at him to come down from his tree branch to where she was. Junior of course did—because how do you argue with an angry Mama Chimp?—and we assumed he would go directly into timeout.

That’s when Jenny and I realized we had the sexes backwards. And I hope to God that it really wasn’t any kind of familial relationship at all because Big Chimp slammed Little Chimp into the ground and started having literal hot monkey sex right there. In front of the big window where we were standing. With our children. Jovie, in her sweetest little 3 year old voice, turns to Jenny and asks why the big one was hurting the little one.

We finally began to wonder if we were attending the zoo during mating season. We have seen with our own eyes that female zebras are kept very happy physically (Jenny noted that since zebras have a black member they must actually be black with white stripes, thereby ending that age-old debate) and elephants have penises that are bigger than Will. We got to see four lion cubs feeding at their mother (Jovie: “Mommy, that’s how Julia’s going to eat”) and several kudus going at it. When we made it to the penguin exhibit I figured finally we would see some nice, wholesome penguin frolicking, but they just kept shitting in front of us.

Circle of life, indeed.

Here we go

2009-02-26T20:57:00.008-06:00

We've been tossing the idea back and forth for a while now: moving Will to a Big Boy Bed. I've wanted to hold off for as long as possible in an effort to maintain that one last shred of infancy (bottles are gone, as are the jokes about his lack of teeth); also because I kind of liked having him caged and not able to get out of bed once we stuck him in there. Kind of my own sort of security blanket.

We were able to postpone the inevitable for a while for several reasons, number one of which is Will never attempted to get out of his crib on his own. Surprising, I know, given his penchance for running away. The second of which is we didn't (think we) have access to a nice twin size mattress--we didn't want to buy one because the crib we bought way back when converts to a nice full size bed and I didn't want to have buy a twin now and then a full size later and then be stuck with a twin mattress that I would then have nothing to do with. (Damn, that's a LONG sentence). Because, if you've ever been to my house, you'd understand that the last thing we need is more large furniture.

Anyway, my MIL swept in and saved the day as she often does and volunteered a mattress my sister used to have. So Jason carted it home with him after Grampa Day today and we put it together during the evening. I've gotta say Will's room has never looked better. It's so clean. I mean I washed baseboards.

So finally, we started bedtime ritual as normal. Took a bath, drank some milk, crawled onto the countertops to steal M&Ms from the bowl I keep up there for rewards (NOTE: that's been changed) and whacked the ping pong ball around the kitchen a while.

7:50 Reading with Daddy

8:05 Reading with Mommy (please notice it's after 7pm so I become Mommy)

8:20 Mommy puts Will in bed. Will stands up and cries. We sing ABCs one more time with him doing his little sit-dancing in my arms.

8:25 Mommy puts Will back in bed while he cries and whines for blanket on. I'm really not sure what he means when he says this as he's completely covered from literal head to toe. Continuously rub his back to try to get him to sleep.

8:30 Try to leave with Will yelling at me to put his damn blanket on.

8:40 Glorious Daddy goes in to get him calm.

8:45 Glorious Daddy walks back out after having successfully gotten the crown prince to sleep.

So in summation, while Will has shunned Glorious Daddy all week long, he apparently loves him enough to feel comfortable and loved in return to drift off into sleepyland. Or GD bored him.

Now it's 9:20pm and we've yet to hear a peep. Wish us luck.

Abba & Papa Visit

2009-02-26T17:18:00.005-06:00

Mom and Dad came up for a visit this weekend, and they've curried more favor by bringing the bestest gift ever. My son is on his way to becoming a Hell's Angel. It's not motorized and the horn is disappointing, but the turn signals have the best beat ever. Our house becomes Dance Party USA whenever Will goes to make a left.

We've started a routine at night where Will puts his cars to bed. Last night only the Cozy Coupe made it into the guest room whereas Motor Mayhem above was left to its own devices for the duration of the evening. This morning Will went directly into the guest room to get his car and proceeds to drive himself over to his motorcycle.

Anyway, we wound up having dinner with Carters Sr., Grandma & Grampa, Robinsons, Harpers and Dunbars (it's a normal occurence whenever people come into town); this was the first time we had a literal kids table:

Will, Kylie, Jovie discussing why exactly Donald wears neither pants nor shoes.

Will's enjoying some see-food and laughing at one of Aunt Bethany's ridiculously funny blog posts.

Is it over?

2009-02-18T22:53:00.008-06:00

I promise to put pictures up soon. Honest. I just usually post from my laptop now and I don't have any Will pics downloaded here. Forgive me.

Anyway, here's how today went down:

7:02am: As am finishing getting dressed for an office day, I go to put on my wedding rings (I don't wear them to bed: am too fat and my fingers apparently swell at night). Look down and realize only 1 of the 4 is present and accounted for. And it's not one of the shiny ones. Have a mild freakout that nos. 1-3 might have taken a swan dive down the festering hole that is my sink drain and prepare myself to fish them out.

7:04am: Do not see sparkly rings. Plain ring sits where it should be, all well-behaved and waiting for it's recognition as "the good ring".

7:05am: Realize I'm late getting Will up and this will cause my whole day to implode. Well, that and the fact that MY WEDDING RINGS ARE GONE!

8:10am: Drop Will off at day-care where he screams at me to hold him and don't go. Must listen to him frantically cry for a Grampa Day.

9:00am-1:28pm: Business as usual at work.

1:29pm: Comment to pregnant lady at front desk on how great she looks today, albeit in a hushed tone while she's on the phone. However, we make eye contact as I tell her "You look faaaabulous!" (said in all seriousness because honestly? She looked great) on my way to the restroom.*

1:32pm: Return to front desk as now Pregnant Lady is off phone and I want to go over in how many ways she looks wonderful. She begins laughing and says "I thought you said I looked fat". I think I actually guffawed.

1:38pm: Check registry for a wedding gift. Navigate away from page when I see couple has registered for a $1100 set of pots. Curse myself for getting married young before I had better taste.

1:40pm: Thinking of weddings makes me remember I've lost my wedding rings and get teary.

1:41-4:58pm: Business as usual.

4:59-6:00pm: Coworker in NY calls to discuss a project I'm working on using a software I'm unfamiliar with. She thinks the end of the day is the most convenient time to disuss this. As we run into a problem she doesn't know how to fix, she consults with another coworker. I wonder why so many of my department people on the East Coast are still in the office at 7pm.

7:15pm: Finally fess up to Jason that I've misplaced my rings. Frantic search begins where we tear our bathroom apart: drain plugs pulled, drawers emptied, trash gone through. He makes me go through my morning routine.

7:26pm: I HAVE THE SMARTEST, MOST WONDERFUL HUSBAND EVER! Somehow Rings 1-3 have hitched a ride on my hot roller hair clip (shut up) and have been holed up there ever since. Wonder when my hair clip became such a stud to demand that much bling.

7:30pm: Finally have time to realize my house is a wreck because Jason's spent all day putting up a chair rail in the front hallway and dining room. Ignore the wreckness to focus only on how I have the smartest, most wonderful husband ever.

8:15pm: Will poops in the bathroom! Unfortunately, not in the potty chair. Specifically, next to the potty chair. In the bathtub, while bathing. Gah! As we've not successfully pooped outside of diapers yet, this is the first time in recent months I'm seeing poop not smushed together by his cute little butt. Am astounded that this man-sized poop came out of him. Jason gets demoted from most wonderful husband ever status because he insists that I be on poop-removal duty.

Duty. Heh.
*This part actually happened last week but I don't think the story made the rounds. I'm including it today. Everything else is 100% true.

Happy?

2009-02-14T21:47:00.003-06:00

I've had several complaints about my previous picture. In apology, I present the fabulous Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. However I still believe he and Elizabeth would have kicked some serious zombie ass.

Jason and I have been contemplating switching Will over to a "big boy" bed; we'll be the last in our group of friends to do so, even with Will being 6-9 months older than his friends. A big part in the delay is just sheer laziness on our part (this excuse also goes towards the lack of potty-training efforts) and the other is the fact this will effectively end his baby stage. I don't know if I can say good-bye to it. We're still going back and forth on the second child issue and, if we decide that Will's it for us, I really don't want to speed anything along. But that's a different post altogether.

ANYWAY...

We chickened out on taking the crib apart. Or rather, I didn't buy the correct bed rail. Jason was trying to convince me that Will would be fine without anything to prevent him from rolling off the bed and that he (Jason) in fact rolled out of bed several times in his childhood and nothing happened to him. Cue eye rolling on my part. Then we started looking online at the correct rails and, noticing how expensive they are, Jason told me he could easily make one. That frightens me. Don't get me wrong, I love how flipping handy he's become around the house in the past few weeks, but don't I get to be a bit anal about this type of thing?

So we'll probably spend at least part of tomorrow going twin-mattress shopping for Tiny and I'll spend naptime searching for new bedding. Whoo hoo!

Yeah, we're THAT boring.

Gift ideas

2009-02-04T14:47:00.005-06:00

"And because the thought of Elizabeth Bennet striking down hordes of zombies with a Katana sword struck me as awesome" -Seth Grahame-Smith (co-author)

I have to say that I love that it's purchase cohort is Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

Bedtime fun

2009-01-15T20:10:00.006-06:00

We spend so much money on toys at Christmas and birthday, and completely throughout the year. What does Will want to play with at the end of the day? A mixing bowl that I've had longer than I've had Jason.

"Please, sir, may I have some more?"

"...and monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in [Grand Prairie]"

Who needs DisneyWorld/Land? We've got our own version of the spinning teacups right here!

Yep, get just as dizzy and throw up...

2009-01-07T14:28:00.003-06:00

AAAAHHHHH!

While the Dorothy doll cracks me up, and if it wasn't $800 I'd totally buy Bethany the Moulin Rouge doll, I think the cream of the crop is the ability to make a doll from a photo of a loved one (keep scrolling down). My new year's resolution was to do my Christmas shopping earlier....

Oh man

2009-01-05T21:38:00.004-06:00

I think I'm going to have to make a new tag: Will stories.

I was cleaning the kitchen while Will was playing in his room before bed (or so I thought). I went in to check on him and found him in the bathtub with the cup I use to rinse shampoo out of his hair. He calmly got out of the tub and went over to the toilet where he proceeded to dump his cup in the toilet water and try to drink it. Sure, I stopped him that time, but who knows how long this has been going on.

In happier news, as I picked him up from daycare today, we walked through a classroom of 3 year olds and they mobbed Will with hugs. The first little girl came up to say good-bye and she picked him up in a bearhug. When she put him down, a little boy was there holding out his arms. That's when I noticed a line forming to hug my child. This is the little boy who starts out each morning of the past week saying "No friends. No school, no friends".

Like father, like son

2009-01-05T20:38:00.005-06:00

"Another speeding ticket?!"

"Eh, no matter..."
"I'll just leave it here for someone else"

Elwood Returns

2008-12-31T11:19:00.018-06:00

When I was a kid, I thought lizards were the coolest thing. I don't know why. Anyway, I liked to collect them and keep them as pets. In a fishbowl. In the backyard. Sometimes (okay, often) I'd forget about them.

The last time I did this was December 1985. My brother, good-hearted soul that he is, chronicled the story for me. My mom has kept these for the past 23 years and eventually framed them, bringing them out every Christmas. She didn't put up a tree this year, but Elwood still made an appearance.

Can't see? Here, I took some single shots. Still not the best quality, but I was laughing.

Can you see the twigs I included in the fishbowl to make it seem more homey to my little lizard? Too bad I didn't include a blanket. Yes, he has "x"s for eyes and his tongue is sticking out. BECAUSE I KILLED HIM. Also, please notice he's wearing red Chuck Taylors.

Man, I really suck at taking pictures. This is Matt's interpretation of what was going on in the Elwood Lizard home the evening he'd been captured (AND KILLED). Elwood's brother--or sister--is frantically asking "Mommy-where's Elwood?" and Mommy just as frantically answers "I don't know!". There's also a framed picture of Elwood over the fireplace. And the entire lizard family is wearing Chucks.

Ah, here we go. I must have dumped Elwood's frozen little body for his family to find (leading to the ever popular show CSI: Lizard). The family is gathered around the casket as Mommy, in her funereal black, sobs. They have a priest (or some religious figure) presiding over the poorly-attended services. Guess Elwood really wasn't that loved after all. NICE TRY, MATT! In case you can't read the head stone, it says:

Elwood Lizard

Killed by Jill Calonico

July 12, 1985-December 9, 1985

I share this story with you because, in the tradition of true Christmas miracles, Elwood returned home this year.

I should have Photoshopped some red Chucks to really drive this point home, but Mom and I found Elwood II in the house Saturday. I released him (completely alive) into the backyard to return home safely to his family.

Matt, I think this could very well be the best Christmas ever.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T14:44:00.004-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

To my brother Matt, who's so very far away, we miss you. A lot. Will ran to your gift before all others, but now he's scared to death of it. However, he does like to watch me try to ride it. So thanks for that. And the gift to us was luckily marked "Fragile" and it made it's way to us from Italy safely. It's now standing proudly in the guest room window so all who drive by can see it from the street. It's a major award, you know.

Mom and Dad, Will loves his Spin-and-Go racetrack, which is oh-so-educational. We've learned that marbles become projectile objects when placed on said racetrack. Also, one of the Target bargain books in the shape of a bus (complete with working rubber wheels) can travel up to three times around without falling over. Any more than that is pushing it. We've been having a damn good time with the drum kit and are excited to get Will to play while we break out Rock Band. Even more sticks for him to shove up his nose! Yippee!

I’ll upload pictures later tonight, but I want to say to Abba, Papa, Scott, Stacey, Matt & Alexis that we love and miss all of you very much. Stacey & Scott, I hope you’re both warm and a bit tipsy to honor our most important tradition of the season: Drunk Christmas. Matt & Alexis, I hope neither of you are. Matt, you’d get fired; Alexis, you’re still fifteen.

Until later!

Anybody need a goose down jacket?

2008-12-22T10:28:00.004-06:00

According to eBay, I've apparently bought about $4000 worth. Guess what my friends are getting for Christmas?! My brother in Iraq is going to love it.

Damn good husband

2008-12-16T18:43:00.005-06:00

Christmas gift giving tip from me to you:

When purchasing a beautiful new laptop for your wife as a surprise Christmas gift, perhaps it's better not to give the computer manufacturer her email address to confirm registration. Because when said wife gets up in the morning and checks her email, a message from HP specifically saying "Guess who's getting a new laptop!" kind of ruins your moment.

I spent most of today debating whether or not to let Jason know I found out about his gift and an offhand comment he made at dinner pushed me to tell. So here I am, christening this new computer with a brand new post all it's own.

Actually, there will be a separate post on the beauty of this little machine. Because it is wonderful. But now I want to tell Jason (which is actually completely silly as he never, ever reads this) thank you so much. This will not be returned.

HOORAY!

2008-12-10T22:18:00.003-06:00

Surgery went very well: only needed a triple bypass. Dad's recovering nicely and, even under anesthesia, refused to tell Mom what he got her for Christmas.

Go Poppa!

2008-12-09T20:50:00.001-06:00

Kick that left ventricle in the ass!

Ah, crap

2008-11-21T00:34:00.003-06:00

It's official

I'm not surprised, we've all seen this coming. We're not expecting layoffs or anything drastic at the moment, so I can go into the holidays sure that I'll have a job when 2009 comes around.

Friday Fun Fact: when I started (April 17, 2000), our stock was $33.

Give the boy a hand

2008-11-18T22:39:00.010-06:00

Yesterday when picking Will up from daycare, I asked his teacher if she'd mind changing his diaper before we left. This was the gist of the conversation:

Me: Hi [Teacher], would you mind changing Will's diaper before we go? I forgot my diaper bag and we have to run some errands.

Teacher: Well, he just used the potty not 10 minutes ago. He was productive.

M: I'm sorry, what?

T: Yeah, he's pretty good about using the potty here. He woke up from his nap with a dry diaper all last week.

M: Seriously, what?

So, apparently Tiny has been having "productive" potties while at daycare. I attribute this to peer pressure and the little miniature adult toilets the school has. Jason and I have come to the consensus that our potty chair is too small for Will and we'll be searching for a different one with a larger receptacle: Will's testicles will thank us.

Now, don't be getting excited about all this. There are still days when Will doesn't get to the potty in time and Teacher has to use a change of clothes. They're very nice and wash out the offending garment and return it to us in the evening. Just usually not like this:

Will hates Mommy

2008-11-16T21:07:00.003-06:00

You may remember a post from earlier this week: I said I want a banana.

You may also remember the post before when Will tried to take me out with a toy jackhammer.

So these two incidents lead me to believe that Will might not get the warm fuzzies when he thinks of me. Last night, I got confirmation.

Little bugger bit me again. In the butt. Why is it just me? Why not Jason? Why are these habits not displayed at school or among his other little friends? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that sweet little Kylie & Jo are being spared Will's sudden liking for rump roast, but Jason has just as much of a bubble butt as I do, so what's the deal?

For Matt

2008-11-16T20:50:00.008-06:00

Matt--or Funcle as he prefers to be known--bought Will a toy jackhammer for his 2nd birthday this year. Will's been enjoying it off and on the past couple of months, but on Friday, he snapped.

The kid came at me with this jackhammer.

I'm tired and can't think of any funny captions for these. Just know that he kept coming at me. I'd move back a bit so I could get a picture. Will would move as well. I'd go back, Will would go forward. And all the time he's jamming this jackhammer into the ground and we're getting this insane whirring noise every time the "toy" hits the tile and I know Will was aiming for my feet.

It was like he was on a mission to cause me harm.

Coupled with the biting earlier this week, I'm wondering if the kid's trying to tell me something.

I said I want a banana

2008-11-11T20:44:00.005-06:00

Sigh. Will's a biter. Trust me, I have first hand knowledge.

The Dunbar's came over for dinner and dominoes tonight. I stood up to answer a phone call from a solicitor (damn our no-having-caller-id-ness). While I was asking Tom--I mean Jason--if he needed to speak to this person, Will was in the background constantly asking for a banana.

The kid really, really wanted a banana.

To prove how hungry he was, he bit me.

In the butt.

Only Tom Selleck looks good in a moustache

2008-11-11T20:38:00.004-06:00

And you, sir, are no Tom Selleck.

Come Ooooon!

2008-11-10T20:27:00.003-06:00

Actually, that's what he's really saying in this picture. Come ooooon Mama!

Status update

2008-11-07T15:36:00.004-06:00

Took Will to his two year appointment this morning:

Height: 36" (please note: he's now able to go on all kiddie rides at Six Flags)
Weight: 32 lbs
Head: 19.75"

He's in the 75-90% for pretty much everything which is about on par with his growth so far, so we're excited about that. If we go by the adage that, full grown, he'll be twice as big as he is now, it can be safely assumed that Will will be just at 6'0" and 64 lbs.

We're so proud.

RIP Barney

2008-11-04T20:30:00.003-06:00

May 31, 2003-November 4, 2008
I'll miss you, Barnabus

Edit: Thank you to everyone who has expressed concern. Being the good Catholic I am, I'm absolutely guilt-ridden. Barney hadn't been able to keep anything down, but I wasn't too worried about it. Then I noticed that he'd stopped eating. Then stopped drinking. I took him into the vet on Monday and she suggested keeping him overnight to get some fluids in him, but I balked at the price. So she gave him some subcutaneous fluids and took blood for tests and said she'd call the next day when the bloodwork was back.

So Tuesday morning comes around and Barney's sitting on my bathroom counter. I gave him a little extra love (I'm so thankful for that) and told him we'd get him feeling better soon. Then I went to work, went to vote, and came home and found him. I'm not sure when he died that day, but....

Anyway, thanks everyone. I miss him.

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-01T23:20:00.007-05:00

Yeah, I'm late. Blogger didn't work for me last night.

Jason did the honor of carving our pumpkin this year. May I present Mr. Meowkins:

We never really got a good picture of Will in his pirate costume on our camera. We're placing all our eggs in Poppy's basket on that one. Regardless, here's a terrible shot of me and a candy-drunk Will:
We went to a few houses in our neighborhood and then carted everyone over to Kristy & Jon's neighborhood as one house over there went completely Griswold on the decorations (of course, we didn't get pictures but are again relying on Poppy).

We met up w/ some of Kristy & Jon's neighbors who have a 15mo little boy. He was Yoda. And he was awesome.

Please ignore my beer belly in this shot; it's not my best picture. The one below is better; I was trying to lean back to not actually be present in the photo, but it didn't work. Also, in the back you can see Yoda's mommy. No kidding, she's over six feet tall.

On a totally different note, I've decided I need to start betting on football games. I haven't been wrong yet; I've called every Cowboys loss and their win last week, plus I called the Texas loss today (SPOILER!). I could be making a killing.

Body image

2008-10-24T14:44:00.006-05:00

So Will's at that stage when he's starting to notice body parts. Sometimes to amusing results.

Case in point: lately, he's been waking up with a bit of an erection (and I hope I never have to make note of that again) which he's noticed when changing his diaper in the morning. The first time Will saw this, he exclaimed "Whoa! Big penis!".

The other day I got out of the shower and Jason let Will into the bathroom to see me. When I opened the door of the shower stall, Will looked at my crotch and said "Ew! Dirty!". Although lately he's been wanting to wipe me when I'm peeing, so it must not freak him out that much.

I guess he's ready to start potty training?

Will eats!

2008-10-23T22:57:00.003-05:00

I feed my child.

I feed my child:

Chee-tos

Yogurt

and bananas.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

2008-10-23T22:41:00.005-05:00

Another birthday post, folks!
Janice (aka Grandma) turned 50 this past Friday and Robert asked Kristy to put together a small party. And I helped!

We decided on a game-night theme and Party City helpfully obliged.

I'm a lame decorator. This is nothing new. Janice loved it, so that's all that matters.

Robert was in charge of flowers and he COMPLETELY rocked his role (heh). He got a bouquet for Dora (she was in charge of Kylie that day so Kristy could get stuff ready), one for me (obviously) and one for Kristy (even more obviously). The ones above? Those were for Janice. Those f-ers were heavy.

And a shot of the birthday girl. We all know I can't take a picture worth a crap so I posted the best one I've got. Don & Marsha surprised Janice by making the trip in and everyone had a great time playing Dominoes (Jenny and I should never sit next to each other)

Happy Birthday Abba!

2008-10-14T16:48:00.003-05:00

Today is Mom’s birthday.

The past two years with Will has made me really appreciate my mom (and y’all know how much I already appreciate my mom). I’ve realized I need to get a move on if I’m going to half as awesome as my mom is/has been her entire life.

My mom made the birthday book for my elementary school library. Every child in that school got to choose a book in honor of his/her birthday; the child’s name and the name of the book was recorded in this… what I can only describe as the precursor to scrapbooking (which makes me laugh now knowing my mom’s thinking on scrapbooking). Anyway, there were balloons or presents or cakes or whatnot to transcribe each child’s name/book, but there was only one pink balloon. One pink balloon that had been reserved for Courage, Dana for Jill Calonico because I loved pink balloons.

My mom put notes in my lunch bag every so often, even when I was in high school.

My mom would make me a turkey bacon sandwich every morning if I asked her to (and sometimes I didn’t even have to ask).

My mom apologized and let me cry ran she ran over my first cat. Then, covered in kitty blood, she laughed with my friends and me when she told me she’d run over the second cat (both lived, btw, and went on to have very long kitty lives).

My mom took me to Fuddrucker’s on her 40th birthday because she didn’t want to be home when her birthday Strip-o-Gram arrived (and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to remember that or not).

My mom continued to let me wear my Strawberry Shortcake shoes even after they started smelling so badly they had to left outside at night.

My mom let me drive her fun little red sports car whenever I “needed” to.

My mom made me a Gloria VanderButt jean skirt when I was a kid.

My mom didn’t let me get too scared when I had a large, scary cyst removed. She took care of me.

My mom let me take care of her when she had a small, even more scary lump removed. She still didn’t let me get too scared.

My mom made my homecoming and prom dresses. She made my best friend’s wedding dress when her mom couldn’t.

My mom lives farther away than I’d like and I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like to. But she always answers the phone when I call and will tell me to suck it up when I’m being ridiculous (which is often).

My mom was always my mom when I was growing up, but now she’s my friend, too.

Happy Birthday, Mom—I love you.

Hodge podge

2008-10-12T20:54:00.005-05:00

No real rhyme or reason to this, just pictures.

Will refused to get out of his chair, although he'd finished his snack. So we decided drawing would be the best use of his time. Ah, to think back to the hundreds of (collective) hours amassed on this kitchen table (to those who don't know, this is the kitchen table from my parents' old house. I inherited it when they moved. For my birthday this year, my parents hauled themselves up here and worked for hours [in May, in Texas, in my garage] sanding and staining this table to my precise specifications. I'm not all spoiled).

These shots are actually a couple hours after the previous ones. Will's eating again. On the counter.
After dinner and bath, I put Will in his Halloween costume (I do this so he gets used to it. He's not normally a big fan of hats, but he's making an exception for Halloween).
He's going to be a pirate, although the above shot reminds me of Oliver! "Please sir, can I have some more?"
"Food, glorious food!"

Actually, here you can really tell the pirate-ness of the costume. It comes with spats to go over his shoes but I didn't put them on yet. That disembodied hand is me holding Pirate Pablo which inspired Will's love of pirates (not Captain Feathersword).

After Dark in the Park

2008-10-11T23:01:00.006-05:00

Today I realized that the Metroplex area turns into Stars Hollow when the weather gets "cooler" (meaning under 90 degrees) and we have umpteen different festivals going on. I'm pretty proud to say that Jason and I have been getting off our duffs and partaking in many of these.

This weekend is the annual "After Dark in the Park" festival, which we also attended last year with our good friends, The Harpers.

Will's favorite part, without a doubt, is the fire truck. Luckily, we got there before the fire truck was called away for fire-truck-ly duties, and we got the requisite picture in front of it.
Then we realised that, instead of waiting in the long line to sit in in the back seat and have your picture taken, we could go around the truck and immediately have Will's picture taken in the front seat. So we did.
Will helped himself to pushing a few buttons. Relax, he got permission.
We headed over to the pumpkin patch where Will picked out some of his favorites, then proceeded to roll, kick or throw them to other children in attendance. I really, really thought he was going to launch one at the baby in the corner of the above photo, but that crisis was somehow averted. Baby's mom was very cool about the near miss though. Thanks, Baby's Mom!
It was a long night and Will was very tired by the end of it. He just needed to stop and take a little rest for the long hayride back to the car.

Seriously, we turn into Stars Hollow.

Putting the hurt in yoghurt (British spelling)

2008-10-10T14:34:00.005-05:00

Will helped himself to some yogurt (or yoghurt, for my English brethren)
"No Momma! No help"
Going.
Going.
Gone!

A(nother) look into the future

2008-10-09T14:54:00.003-05:00

Thursdays are spent with the Greats; Will looks forward to this every week because not only does he get his dose of Grandpa and Garbage Trucks, he also gets to wear his backpack.
Which he loves.
He also loves his pirate shirt. I went to put clothes on him this morning (after a dirty diaper that was so massive he had to go straight into the tub) and he saw this shirt and insisted on wearing it. Thanks, Abba.

Story time

2008-10-08T19:40:00.003-05:00

The ultimate Jason Story (the one that started Jason Stories) involves his boyfriend, Phillip H. Screwdriver. Jason used to have an old Corvair and one hot summer day, his dad asked Jason to move the car out of the driveway so they could play basketball (or something). So Jason, still in his swim trunks and nothing else, hops into the car.

Forgetting that he'd left a screwdriver (fat end up) wedged in the seat of his car.

It managed to get caught on his swimsuit as he did the aforementioned hopping and wedged itself elsewhere in his anatomy.

Being the loving wife I am, not only have I never let him forget this, but I also post about it on a blog for the whole wide world to see.

I thought I looked okay today...

2008-10-08T14:49:00.001-05:00

But someone just asked me when I would be starting my maternity leave.

A few of our favorite things

2008-10-07T21:28:00.003-05:00

With one major exception, I've gotten all the thank-you cards out, but wanted to call some people out for their excellent gifts.

Up first, we have The Godparents They supplied the Inflatable giga ball which carries it's own weight in awesomeness. Thanks, Dave. Also, the completely rocking airbrushed t-shirt, complete with sparkles.

It took Jason an entire air compressor to inflate the Gigaball enough for maximum viewing and playing. I've been trying for the past 45 minutes to upload a picture only to find out it's not a picture I have but a 4 minute video. I love y'all too much to make you suffer through the screeching heard on that clip. You're welcome.

Funcle Matt got Will a jackhammer (complete with earmuffs and gloves--safety first!). I love that toy a bit more than Will at this point, but give it time.

Finally, Abba & Poppa came through with the Black and Decker tool bench. Will and I both love this thing (actually, Kylie does too--apparently the screwdriver is good for gums). The little mini-circular saw actually has little gold flecks so when the saw spins, it looks like it's shooting out sparks.

I had a bit of a pity-party for myself on Will's actual birthday, but getting to open this stuff up w/ Will and seeing his little face light up when I told him something was from Violet or Funcle just made everything worth it. Thanks, guys.

Sundays with Kylie

2008-10-07T20:48:00.000-05:00

Jason's been a bit short-handed at work the past week or so. He had a store on Sunday and recruited most of the family (it sounds so tawdry--like The Godfather) to work with him. So I got the pleasure of hanging with Will & Kylie on Sunday morning.

We watched some Pablo and drank some milk. Kylie chewed on a screwdriver. No big deal.

Oh no, I'm sorry--the picture above is what's tawdry. I'm not quite sure what's going on there. Either Kylie shat a cup of milk or Will's trying to sodomize his cousin. Fitting, considering the ultimate Jason story.

This post just took a really bad turn. Let's move on to something a bit more wholesome:

Ah, baseball. That fits. Go Rays!

Birthday party

2008-10-02T23:43:00.000-05:00

Sorry these posts are so delayed. The week between Will's birthday party and actual birthday was an emotional one; everything's gone as back to normal as we can expect in the immediate future--with everyone home and tucked safely in their beds--so I've finally gotten around to loading and posting some pictures.

In a break from the usual posts, there will be no witty captions between shots.

Janice and Robert (Grandma & Poppy) gave Will a tricycle, which was a big hit at the party. Colton's giving Will a push while Madilyn patrols.
OK, except for this one. I look awesome, don't I? I haven't taken a decent picture in well over a year, but I'm loving myself in this one. Jovie just wants to know when she can get a damn cupcake.

Sorry, one more: please notice the arrangement of cupcakes. Janice spent a good twenty minutes arranging them so no cupcake papers of the same color were placed together. Perhaps I shouldn't have pointed that out?
We got so super-lucky with this party, by the way. First of all, the weather was awesome: I don't think I even sweat (as evidenced by my fabulous picture above). All the truck decorations were on clearance at Party City for fifty cents. I didn't cry once during all the prep work, nor did I swear at Jason. I remained relatively stress-free until Mom and I tried to assemble the Tonka truck centerpieces. FYI, there was a reason there were twenty left at fifty cents a piece: they put the (pain in the) ass in assembly.

FINALLY!

2008-10-02T23:32:00.001-05:00

How've you been? Haven't talked to you in a while, hope you're well.

Come on in!
Have a seat! (Daddy built, Momma painted)

I've decorated just for you! (Also, please note that you can see the roll of TP travels entirely down the hall into the bathroom. And I haven't cleaned in a while)

Good night!

Motivation

2008-09-10T20:20:00.001-05:00

Zoo trip

2008-09-07T21:47:00.000-05:00

We took the kids to the zoo this afternoon. Will and Kylie rode a giant iguana.

Lions!
Tigers!
Bears! Oh my!
Find the gazelle: One of these things is not like the other:

Either the zookeepers at the Fort Worth zoo have a really twisted sense of humor or they're just mean. The gazelle (and zebra) exhibit is/are directly across from the African lion exhibit. So the lions get to sit and watch their would-be prey frolic and, in essence, say nanny-nanny-boo-boo from the complete safety of their own habitat.

We had fun, as always, and, as always, finished up with a meal at Pappa's Burgers where Jason and Jon (who'd been dutifully ignoring all radio and televisions that could possibly reference the Cowboys score so they could watch the game on their own respective, ridiculously large televisions) got to catch the last ten minutes live. Whoops.

Sock-Ball!

2008-09-07T21:36:00.000-05:00

Rules are there ain't no rules. Okay, there are a couple guidelines, but that's not the same thing.
Gather up sock-balls.
Wind up to throw sock-balls. (Sorry about the lack of clarity--Will's very fast)
Oh man! I forgot...
Have to clean up at the end.

Food of the Gods

2008-09-07T21:33:00.000-05:00

We've discovered powdered donuts. I've mandated them as a weekend-only food in an attempt to prevent mashed powdered donuts from completely flooding Will's veins.

You can't quite see how very covered his little face is. BTW, I have to pull the straw up so as not to create a milk-geyser when putting the top of his cup out. Don't worry, though:

Will's used to it and can compensate.

Fun and/or cute things Will's learned to do

2008-09-01T00:59:00.000-05:00

1. Speak in complete sentences (ie. I love you too, Momma [I wuf ew do, Momma])

2. Say "Bless you" in both the correct and incorrect times (ie "Achoo", "Bless you, Momma" or "Cough", "Bless you, Momma"). Either way, it's very cute.

3. Complete the phrase "What would you like for dinner, Will?" (Answer: Macaroni and cheese) He's mastered 'macaroni' (no more maca-moni for our boy!) and has been adding on the 'and cheese' part within the past week or so.

4. Climb into the bathtub.

5. Correctly identify Barney and Buster. This has been made infinitely easier when we realized that Buster has left us. I don't know where he is, please don't ask. It's been five days and I'm starting to give up hope. Anyway, it's pretty impressive that Will could walk up to Barney and say "Bahney" when most of our guests still have to ask "Is this the heavy cat?"

6. Identify the number 6.

7. Identify the letter H.

8. Climb into his big boy chair unaided. The high chair is for sissy-boys.

9. Hanging. He's really good at hanging. Still hasn't mastered chilling out or relaxing out, coolin' or shooting some b-ball outside of school.

10. Jumping. He loves to jump off the ottoman onto the floor while holding onto my hands. However, he then proceeds to push me saying "Move, Momma, move" but will freak out when he climbs back onto the ottoman to jump off again and I'm not close enough to hold his hands. It's a circle.

11. Grow incisors.

12. Finding out "How about...." is a very, very funny phrase and will send him into fits of giggles and squeals.

There, y'all. Happy?

Work? What work?

2008-08-13T16:45:00.000-05:00

If you've got some time, mosey over to Cake Wrecks. She posts cakes that have been created by "professionals" and paid for--with actual currency and no known reason why.

It's a good way to spend the afternoon. Especially when you get to the baby shower cakes. Shudder.

Storytime

2008-07-31T20:24:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone,
I'm hijacking Mommy's blog for the evening to tell a story. A story about hamsters that lived in Daddy's first house. When Daddy first moved into the house, he lived with a bunch of people I don't really know, and one that I do know. The one I do know is Daddy's Cousin Shane and he owned two hamsters.

Daddy's Cousin Shane wasn't around a lot, but his hamsters were. They were funny hamsters but they didn't get to go out to play very much (it's like when Mommy doesn't get me out of my crib in the mornings and I'm left to entertain myself with a book and any poop that's collected in my diaper. But that's a story for another time).

One day, Hamster A managed to escape. This made the two cats living at the house very excited. They had a delicious snack that they got to catch themselves which didn't happen a lot. Hamster B was very upset about having to watch his/her hamster-mate die a horrible death, so s/he chewed off his/her own arm and bled to death.

This made Mommy and Daddy laugh and laugh. But it reminded Mommy of another hamster story that had much the same ending, courtesy of her. But that's another story for another time.

The end.

Parrafin: Never a good idea

2008-07-28T20:59:00.000-05:00

While I was at my parents' this weekend, Alexis came over Saturday night. In an effort to reclaim the coolness I never really had, I suggested we really do it right and break out Mom's parrafin-wax-bath and give ourselves some treatments for a regular old-fashioned slumber party. It's true: I really am that lame.

A very bad idea. Not only the wax treatments, but for me to be around a camera at all. I'm very unattractive. And I can't take a picture to save my life.

We didn't realize that it took a long time for the wax to harden. Alexis refused to wait simply stuck her hand in the freezer to speed things along.

Below is what her hand looked like after sticking it in the freezer. Smooth, lovely, and ready to film a Zales ad with minimal prep.

This is what MY hand looked like after sticking it in the freezer. It's all very "They're coming to get you, Bar-baa-ra"

And then Alexis and I decided to have our wax molds high five each other, Barney-style. Because we're awesome like that.

Ed

2008-07-28T20:52:00.001-05:00

In my apparent (and completely unintentional) bid to become just like Bethany, I too am down one cat. We had to move Ed to a new home today. Barney & Buster were completely terrorizing her and the poor thing would only come out from under our bed to eat and poop on my carpet. She's moved to a home with a woman that has no other pets and desperately wanted a cat. Ed will be okay--better than okay, she'll be thrilled to be the center of attention. She'll be much, much happier.

Doesn't mean I don't miss my cat, though.

Everything he needs to learn in life...

2008-07-26T09:23:00.000-05:00

Will's learned at Abba & Poppa's.

We're at my parents for the weekend. So far my mother has taught him:
1. How to hock a loogie and spit it into the trash.
2. That when you step on a bug, it stops moving--and sometimes disappears.

GENIUS I tell you!

2008-07-22T09:28:00.000-05:00

Guess who woke up this morning and could count to 10? That's right---me!

Will's teacher (and parents) have been working pretty diligently on the whole counting thing and he could always get started (1, 2...) and then would hit somewhere in the middle (7, 8...) and then nail the landing (10! complete with clapping). This morning, he hit everything in between, with little to no help from Mommy. Helluva way to start the morning.

And yes, we're Mommy and Daddy now. Love.

Carousel

2008-07-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

Daddy, why am I strapped to a bird?

Also, has anyone seen the promos for the new season of Psych? I don't watch the show, but man, the "Ebony & Ivory" promo makes me giggle every time I see it.

Team Diversity

2008-07-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

Suck it
My new fantasy SYTYCD team. I didn't realize I could change week to week, otherwise I'd have gotten rid of Kourtni-with-a-K long ago.

Also, I just found the camera again, so I'll be posting some pictures of Will and his first date after he goes to bed. He likes to "help" me type so this has to be relatively short.

I wuf ew too

2008-07-08T12:38:00.000-05:00

I realize that title is a little "I can has cheezburger", but it's fitting.

On Saturday evening, June 28th, David William Carter told me he loves me. Yes, it was prompted in the manner of "God, Will, you're so flipping cute. I love you so much."

His response: I wuf ew (he nodded his head and gave his cute little smile while saying it).

Yes, I teared up. Yes, Jason got a bit jealous. To my knowledge, Will has yet to tell Daddy he loves him. Heh. It's only fair.

Poops--he did it again...

2008-06-25T19:06:00.002-05:00

Jason, I love you. Please don't hate me for telling this.

Last night my darling husband retreated into the bedroom to watch baseball and fall asleep. Before getting into bed, though, he follows a night-time routine of a good poop while catching up on sports scores. Many people do this with the help of a newspaper, but not my husband. Not while he's got his cell phone right in his pocket.

Jason's got a bit of a lactose-intolerance and I had heated up a Stouffer's dinner that Will loves and Jason doesn't mind. Unfortunately, last night, his stomach minded.

Greatly.

So Jason "finished up" and placed his cell phone in the crotch of his pants which were around his ankles. After wiping properly, he stood and pulled his pants up.

Forgetting one critical item.

He heard a secondary sploosh that shouldn't have been there. He turned around.

There it was. His cell phone. His beloved 'Chocolate' swimming in a sea of what at this point can only be considered Hershey's.

I'm going to end the story here. It doesn't, but I'm going to end it here.

Just in the future, don't ever ask to borrow Jason's phone. Seriously. EVER.

To my dad

2008-06-15T21:32:00.000-05:00

I love you. Thanks for being a great dad and a wonderful papa.

Father's Day 2008

2008-06-15T21:01:00.000-05:00

Father's Day 2008 started off with a bang when Will didn't wake up until 9:30; he obviously loves his daddy much more than me. Eventually, we headed over to Carter's for an evening of fun and lots and lots of really good food.

Three generations of Carter men
Will is either a) debating on jumping; or b) wondering if he can pee on Daddy's head.

After swimming, we went down the hill to the Greats' for dinner. The Lagaly's found this fantastic little car at a garage sale in their neighborhood; it's awesome for lots of reasons:

Roomy enough for two passengers
Car phone
Sunroof
It's a Woody!

Will drives Kylie around. I think Kylie's baby should be in a carseat, but I was outvoted.
Huh, turns out Kylie should have been in the carseat; we lost her somewhere along the path, but luckily the disembodied hand caught the baby. Whew!
Having found Kylie, Will decided it would be best for her to ride in the front seat and he'll just push.

Happy Father's Day to Dad, Jason, Matt and all of our other daddy-friends!