Like father, like son

"Another speeding ticket?!"

"Eh, no matter..."
"I'll just leave it here for someone else"

Elwood Returns

When I was a kid, I thought lizards were the coolest thing. I don't know why. Anyway, I liked to collect them and keep them as pets. In a fishbowl. In the backyard. Sometimes (okay, often) I'd forget about them.

The last time I did this was December 1985. My brother, good-hearted soul that he is, chronicled the story for me. My mom has kept these for the past 23 years and eventually framed them, bringing them out every Christmas. She didn't put up a tree this year, but Elwood still made an appearance.

Can't see? Here, I took some single shots. Still not the best quality, but I was laughing.

Can you see the twigs I included in the fishbowl to make it seem more homey to my little lizard? Too bad I didn't include a blanket. Yes, he has "x"s for eyes and his tongue is sticking out. BECAUSE I KILLED HIM. Also, please notice he's wearing red Chuck Taylors.

Man, I really suck at taking pictures. This is Matt's interpretation of what was going on in the Elwood Lizard home the evening he'd been captured (AND KILLED). Elwood's brother--or sister--is frantically asking "Mommy-where's Elwood?" and Mommy just as frantically answers "I don't know!". There's also a framed picture of Elwood over the fireplace. And the entire lizard family is wearing Chucks.

Ah, here we go. I must have dumped Elwood's frozen little body for his family to find (leading to the ever popular show CSI: Lizard). The family is gathered around the casket as Mommy, in her funereal black, sobs. They have a priest (or some religious figure) presiding over the poorly-attended services. Guess Elwood really wasn't that loved after all. NICE TRY, MATT! In case you can't read the head stone, it says:

Elwood Lizard

Killed by Jill Calonico

July 12, 1985-December 9, 1985

I share this story with you because, in the tradition of true Christmas miracles, Elwood returned home this year.

I should have Photoshopped some red Chucks to really drive this point home, but Mom and I found Elwood II in the house Saturday. I released him (completely alive) into the backyard to return home safely to his family.

Matt, I think this could very well be the best Christmas ever.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

To my brother Matt, who's so very far away, we miss you. A lot. Will ran to your gift before all others, but now he's scared to death of it. However, he does like to watch me try to ride it. So thanks for that. And the gift to us was luckily marked "Fragile" and it made it's way to us from Italy safely. It's now standing proudly in the guest room window so all who drive by can see it from the street. It's a major award, you know.

Mom and Dad, Will loves his Spin-and-Go racetrack, which is oh-so-educational. We've learned that marbles become projectile objects when placed on said racetrack. Also, one of the Target bargain books in the shape of a bus (complete with working rubber wheels) can travel up to three times around without falling over. Any more than that is pushing it. We've been having a damn good time with the drum kit and are excited to get Will to play while we break out Rock Band. Even more sticks for him to shove up his nose! Yippee!

I’ll upload pictures later tonight, but I want to say to Abba, Papa, Scott, Stacey, Matt & Alexis that we love and miss all of you very much. Stacey & Scott, I hope you’re both warm and a bit tipsy to honor our most important tradition of the season: Drunk Christmas. Matt & Alexis, I hope neither of you are. Matt, you’d get fired; Alexis, you’re still fifteen.

Until later!

Anybody need a goose down jacket?

According to eBay, I've apparently bought about $4000 worth. Guess what my friends are getting for Christmas?! My brother in Iraq is going to love it.

Damn good husband

Christmas gift giving tip from me to you:

When purchasing a beautiful new laptop for your wife as a surprise Christmas gift, perhaps it's better not to give the computer manufacturer her email address to confirm registration. Because when said wife gets up in the morning and checks her email, a message from HP specifically saying "Guess who's getting a new laptop!" kind of ruins your moment.

I spent most of today debating whether or not to let Jason know I found out about his gift and an offhand comment he made at dinner pushed me to tell. So here I am, christening this new computer with a brand new post all it's own.

Actually, there will be a separate post on the beauty of this little machine. Because it is wonderful. But now I want to tell Jason (which is actually completely silly as he never, ever reads this) thank you so much. This will not be returned.

HOORAY!

Surgery went very well: only needed a triple bypass. Dad's recovering nicely and, even under anesthesia, refused to tell Mom what he got her for Christmas.

Go Poppa!

Kick that left ventricle in the ass!