Saturday, July 31, 2010

Do I feel dumb...

A lot's been going on.

In May I had a baby: Max Schuyler Carter was born May 24th at 7:25am; weighed 7lbs 9oz and was 20.25 inches long. Quite the difference from his brother (8lbs 8oz and 21"), not that I'm comparing. Max is an original name for us, but my love of family names is represented in Schuyler (or Skylar, phonetically)--it was my great-grandfather's name, uncle's middle name and brother's middle name. Spelled it the original way, thank you very much.

Max is a dream. He looked exactly like Will when he was born but is starting to develop his own little (darling) face. He has jowls, which I love.

The other thing about Max is he squeaks, which is kind of adorable once you get used to it. When I took him up to work one day during maternity leave, a colleague said he thought I was carrying a piece of squeaky luggage. It turns out Max has stridor and now we have to figure out what's causing it. As it's been explained to me, the best case scenario is the cartilage surrounding his larynx/trachea didn't harden like it should, so when he takes a breath it causes the cartilage to vibrate and produces a squeaking sound. When he gets excited (from hunger or the ceiling fan) it gets much louder and faster; when he's calm or in a deep sleep it's softer or non-existent. Because of the latter, I honestly believed it was getting better; the doctor, however, said because it's still going on and it can get loud means it's progressing and he wants me to take him in to see a specialist for testing.

So, Wednesday morning I have to take a hungry 10-week-old to have chest x-rays and to do a swallow study where Max will drink a radioactive dye and possibly also have a tube shoved down his throat.

I can honestly say I'm not worried about the results; I really think they're going to tell me he'll grow out of it. I mean, he's gaining weight like he should and growing like a weed which, if there was something obstructing his airways and preventing him from eating, wouldn't be the case. I'm worried about seeing my little baby lying on a table somewhere. Or worse, not being able to see him lying on a table somewhere. I keep telling myself there are thousands of parents across the country that would give their eye to "only" have my child's condition/situation; there are too many people who've lost their babies to cancer or heart failure. This? Stridor? I'm convinced is nothing. It's the diagnostic process I'm dreading.

So anyway, really looking forward to Wednesday.