Thanksgiving lunch

Yesterday was Will's Thanksgiving Lunch at daycare and parents/grandparents were invited to attend. I was scheduled to meet Grandma at the school shortly before noon so we could watch the kids do some last minute dancy-dancing before lunch.

When I got to the classroom, I was accosted by many tiny people wearing the most adorable Indian hats--complete with feathers--and a beautiful spread of Thanksgiving lunch, complete with all the necessary sides. But Tiny was nowhere to be found. The bathroom door was only open a crack, but I could see his little striped arms going nuts, so I figured he was almost done and I could surprise him when he came out. So I waited.

And waited.

People were starting to sit down to eat, so I finally went to check on him. As I approached the door I could hear sobbing. Opening the door, I immediately saw a pair of poop-streaked and completely saturated underpants. Then I saw a sock and a shoe. Sitting precariously on the toilet seat was the sock mate, preparing to say good-bye cruel world and end it all.

Then I turn to see my sweet little Will, going commando with his pants on backwards and soaking wet but his little Indian headress and feathers completely unscathed, sobbing because he had an accident. Which he blamed on his shoes. I got him calmed down and cleaned up, all while reassuring him I wasn't mad, and he proudly told me his socks didn't get wet.

Thank God for that.

We wound up having a wonderful time: the food was really good, the kids were really funny and Will felt pretty special having both Grandma AND Mom show up.

That's Jenny behind Janice--I have the most awesome picture of Jovie being thuggish but don't want to post it unless I get permission.

Policeman-Fireman-Knight

Knights were sort of the original firemen, what with battling fire-breathing dragons, right?

Class Picture Day

I guess he doesn't want anyone to see his neck wrinkles?

3-year check up

I took Will to the doctor today where he was quite the little gentlman.  The nurse asked him to step on the scale and, when she accidentally knocked something from the cabinet, he ran to pick it up and said "Here you gooo!". 

Will is 39.5" tall and 37 pounds.  Dr. Daniels picked him up, turned to me and said "He's very dense, isn't he?"  That's exactly how I describe him to people:  dense.  Also?  I know, Doc; trust me, my arms and I know.  To be fair, though, Will outweighs his peers anywhere from 5-13 pounds but doesn't look anything like a tubby.  Well, check out the past couple of posts for recent pictures if you don't believe me.

Also very sweet, Will's started talking to my stomach asking for BrotherSister (due in May).  He likes to invite BrotherSister to play his drums and use his pirate ship and generally being the cutest thing ever.

To the best husband ever

Happy anniversary, babe.  It's been a great eight years.

My son, RuPaul

Jason allowed Will to get himself ready for bed.  FYI:  3 is a very, very fun age.

Halloween 2009

Yes, I'm still here.  Apologies.  I just really hate this new version of Blogger and it's such a PITA for someone as computer-handicapped as I am.

Regardless, I can still figure out how to upload pictures.

For Mimi and Jim

Thanks for the jammies--they're Will's favorites!

Guess which gift is our favorite?

I'm hoping this isn't the start of Will's career as a Hot Cop.

Happy Birthday Tiny!

EDIT:  I'm not going back and re-formatting this stuff again.  You're adults:  deal with the wonky layout.
First things first:  I haaaate the new version of Blogger--I had a hard enough time with the old template and now they're throwing all these new things at me. 

Anyway, today was Will's birthday party.  Up until Wednesday of this week, I'd been under the assumption that all the children invited were coming (approx 12):  that's a lot for us, folks.  Due to a series of unfortunate illnesses (hope everyone feels better soon!), our crowd was whittled down to about 5 kids.  Not to sound awful, but I'm really glad not everybody made it today.  Because my great idea to have the party at a park came to a crashing halt when the playground at said park was under construction: 

Mom and I were scrambling to get a hold of all the outside toys we could so the kids weren't completely bored.  Luckily, we got a hold of Daddy and Papa and they pretty much saved the day.  The party was allowed to go on as planned.

Will, Kylie and Jovie had a good time with their pirate hats.  Fitting as today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (thanks Auntie Bethany and University of Texas Football!).

I adore the little boys in these pics.  Regular visitors to this blog recognize Kylie (cousin) and Jo (rock star); the new kids are the Robinsons, Gracie and Bradley (children to Doug & Larissa, cousins to Jovie).  They had just driven in from Houston and were subjected to their first outside play time since 7am in addition to sugar.

Needless to say, Doug and Larissa loved me.

Thanks to everybody who came--Will had a blast!  We missed everyone who couldn't make it up and hope everyone feels better soon.

Finally, I really, really hate Blogger.

Worth the wait?

Will picked out the outfit himself.

Of COURSE it is....

Good thing:  going to the lake during Tax Free Weekend because the beach is empty...

Bad thing:...except for the bikini models and their photographers shooting the Hot Bods Bikini calendar.

Sick, masochistic...

Now, I'm not saying for who, but I do believe I've got some Christmas gift ideas lined up already...

Day 4: Still successful

I've been told I'm much more pleasant today.

I'm very envious of all my friends losing weight (you know who you are) and realized I need to get my ample-sized butt to the gym if I don't want to turn into a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon very soon (what with the non-smoking and increased snacking to offset the non-smoking.... eh, that was a better metaphor in my head). Moving along. Yep, I made it to the gym this morning. Didn't do a whole lot, but it was 45 minutes more cardio than yesterday.

AND... I finally got the ball rolling on Will's birthday party. I tried to reserve the venue; I successfully ordered his invites (20 cents/piece! And printed envelopes! And 3-day rush order!) and have begun purchasing some of the decorations/favors. I say tried to reserve the venue because apparently they're not accepting reservations this week. (This is not a high class resort where they have a waiting list; it's a rec center, complete with little old ladies playing bridge in the waiting room. I swear I heard one of them say "Picture it...Sicily, 1923") So it's at the same park as last year and hopefully the weather plays as nicely as last year too; if not, party at D-Dub's house!

Apologies all around

I'm still smoke-free, but more to the point, I'm still bitchy.

I apologize if anything I've said or my actions have offended you; it was never done intentionally and, more likely, was done as a joke but, looking back, with thinly veiled aggression.

Regardless, it's never appropriate and I'm a bit old for name-calling.

I'm sorry.

Good-bye old friend

I did it.

I smoked my last cigarette. I have officially quit. I'm not pregnant.

Please congratulate me so I can read back on comments during moments of weakness when I invariably think "Gosh, $7 for a pack really isn't that bad".

Start now.

EDIT:
In all seriousness, thanks everybody--I really appreciate it.

Potty Update

Tomorrow is Will's Big Boy Day at his new school. That's the day where we no longer use pull-ups: everything is underpants. Ms. Dee (his teacher) has told us Will will have accidents; there will be lots of laundry at the end of every day. I'm supposed to bring a crapload of underwear and spare clothes--a second pair of shoes is optional, but a good idea. He will apparently have a Potty Mentor: a little boy from the 4 year-old class that will show him the ropes in the bathroom. Sidenote: none of this is new information. Will knows exactly what to do in a bathroom. We've been keeping him well informed.

Last night Will stayed completely dry for 13 hours. We put him in bed at 8:30, asleep at 9, he wandered into our room somewhere around 7am and we didn't get up until close to 10. That pull-up was as dry as when we first put it on. Also, when I did finally get him to sit on his potty chair, I have never seen (or heard) him produce so much urine.

During the day, if I ask him if he needs to go potty, the answer is always "No!". I've discovered the trick is to race him. Race him into the bathroom, race him to take off our pants, race him to pee first (Will always wins). This has yet to fail me, by the way. He always, always produces during these races.

Today I kept him in underwear after his nap. We went to a playground and shopping for birthday decorations. I remembered to keep a spare set of clothes in the car. We made it home dry and happy (even after drinking a cup of water). I was excited until I remembered that my child has the ability to hold it for thirteen flipping hours. I don't understand how he can ever have accidents at this rate.

Yes, I know it will happen. There will be stumbles and falling off the wagon. I'm just so excited for him. I'm excited for us to no longer have to budget in diapers/pull-ups into our monthly groceries. I feel bad that both sets of grandparents as well as we still have a practically full pack of these pull-ups.

Totally worth it, regardless of how well tomorrow goes.

Vegas 2009

The last time Jason and I went to Las Vegas, I was three months pregnant. We decided it was time to venture west again--preferably when the thermometers are exploding and the deals are at their lowest. This time we decided to make a trip out to Hoover Dam, which is a sort of Mecca for Jason.

Just as we were approaching Lake Mead we started seeing all the signage for helicopter rides over the dam--we were thisclose to signing up for one.

Thank God we didn't.

This is the arch for the bypass bridge currently being built. They're using a lot of the same technology used for the original dam-building. Hopefully, the poor workmen aren't wearing the same clothes used before: courduroy pants, Wellies and baseball hats dipped in tar.

Look! We're cute!
Only I could find penguins in the desert.

Still cute! I'm looking a bit heavy, but damn cute.

We stayed at Mandalay and the tram to Excalibur was sent straight from Heaven. Jason was very excited to get solicited for the first time, and Mom and I had a blast making fun of all the women dressed like solicitors and their footwear.

So that was about it: Mandalay is beautiful, the pools were divine and Jason and I lost a whole bunch of money. Will had a blast with Grandma & Poppy and is better behaved now than when he left me. Yay!

Saturday

It was God-awful hot today, so The Abs & Pops and I took Will to Baskin Robbins for some ice cream after nap. Short Stack has been dry all day today and I've been super-proud of him. While we were in the "ice cream house", he told me he needed to go potty.

Guess what?

It was an excuse to go into an accoustically-sound room and scream his mother-loving head off. Apparently people standing in line to order were looking at each other wondering what the hell I was doing to my child in the public bathroom. While Will was running around the bathroom enjoying the sound of his own voice (very much his father's son), he literally ran into the sink. You'd think the thing was made of rubber with the way Will bounced off of it.

Easily the funniest part of my day. Not so much for Will, who's now sporting the makings of a black eye.

Bet you say that to all the girls

Things you don't ever want to hear in your life:

"Man, you really salivate a lot, don't you"

-your dentist

Wipeout: Thanks Rob

I got home from work a little late tonight and Jason was a busy little rock star and had dinner ready for us and Will had already eaten. We settled in as a family to watch a little Wipeout (recommended by Unca Rob) and... well, Will's already started his daredevil-ness:

Yes, he did jump off the recliner. Repeatedly.

And yes, Jason did recline the recliner and make Will fall. And we did laugh.

Moving right along...

This might possibly be my favorite picture ever.

Happy Birthday Papa!

Will wanted to build you a train. Of trucks.

Few more touches....

Done!
See you in a few!

This goes beyond polite

Today we went over to visit the Greats: it was just us and them, which we so rarely get the opportunity to do so it was...well, great. Will misses them like crazy and doesn't get the one-on-one time like he used to. Plus, they're really cool. I love listening to Dora talk about her past and how she grew up; and Willie throws out some of the best one-liners. For example: "Our washing machine caught fire the other day; why do you think that could have happened?" Willie's answer: "Something's wrong with it".

Anyway, while we were there, Will got to watch a Backyardigans episode where the tiny animals pretend to be knights on a mission to deliver a (very important) message. They deliver it to a king who then presents them with some big honor. The penguin, moose and 'girl whose species is as unique as her name [Uniqua]' then bow to the king kangaroo and they all go have a snack together.

As we're leaving and saying good-bye to the Greats, I ask Will to tell Grandma thank you for dinner. Will places one foot forward w/ knee slightly bent, one arm behind his back and bows at the waist while saying "Thank you for dinner, Grandma".

I was pretty psyched when Will started saying please and thank you with regularity, but bowing? Is awesome. I want to teach him to say Your Grace as well.

Potty Training II: Pee Harder

He did it AGAIN!

I got home from work today and Will ran up to me, gave me a hug, a kiss and asked to go to the bathroom. Just what every parent wants. And then Jason said Will peed twice today at school. You know, on the potty chairs there; if it had just been in his diaper, it wouldn't be worth mentioning here.

I really haven't worried about the potty training too much up to this point. I figured that no child ever goes to college while still wearing diapers and that Will would let me know when he was ready. I'm not going into this with blinders on: we're still a long way away from big boy pants, but I'm just so damn proud of this kid. Seeing his little face light up when he's sitting on that tiny little toilet and he tells me it's coming is like no other feeling in the world.

I love being Will's mommy.

Another note: he learned to peddle his tricycle today. Eee!

SUCCESS!

Since I don't want to be featured on STFU, Parents I'm posting this here rather than on Facebook.

Will peed in the toilet today. Three times. After taking a bath.

I know several adults who still pee in the shower.

Dunbaby watch

My sister-in-law, Kristy, is expecting a baby boy late next month. Well, that's when we're expecting him.

Kristy, sit down and keep your legs crossed. No baby until we get back.

Uptown Park

It's been God-awful hot this weekend (well into the 100's) so we cooled off at a make-shift splash park up in Cedar Hill.

Will demonstrating his modeling pose:

I can't take pictures worth a crap, so any good ones are courtesy of Jason.

Wait, that's not true. I took this shot in hopes of showing Will sitting on one of these fountains to give himself a baby enema; I got this instead:

Paint the fence, indeed.

A day in the life...

I started my day bright and early by listening to Will yell "MAMA!" Beat. "MAMAAAAAAA!" As I'm walking to his room (without my glasses) I glance briefly at the clock and see that it's 7:15--perfect as we're supposed to be at Jason's grandparents in an hour for a wonderful breakfast spread. I change the diaper and we walk into the kitchen to get him a snack and realize I should put my glasses on in the morning: it's 6:30. Waaaaay too early. So I do what I swear I'd never do and pull up an episode of Will's favorite show and go back to bed for a blissful 30 minutes.

Eventually we're all up and ready to go and have a wonderful morning w/ Jason's grandparents, Dunbar's and Cousin Dustin and his girlfriend. Good breakfast, stress-free morning.

We meet up with Rebecca and Courtney Dark for a lunch break on their drive to New Jersey. The illustrious Cracker Barrel was about all that was available in the area we were meeting, and Courtney proceeded to confuse our waitress with strange lunch requests: things like "Water for me, please" and "Can I get this salad without the chicken?" and finally, "No, I don't need a to-go box". Seriously, Courtney, can you reign it in a bit? Always a good time with the Darks.

After nap (for Will and me, since we'd been up so early) I decided to take Tiny swimming. Our child is a rock star in the pool: he has no fear. He dives right in, holds his breath and opens his eyes underwater and looks for Jason. Will's got a pretty mean dog paddle right now and loves when Jason throws him across the pool. I, of course, wanted to get in on this action but revert immediately to baby playing, where I hold him and bounce up and down in the water.

My thanks for this?

Will blows chunks in the (crowded) neighborhood pool. We were towards the edge of the pool but instead of lifting him out and letting him finish up on the concrete where it could have easily been washed away, I hold him tighter to me (I guess to squeeze out any more of the vomit, as though Will was some sort of vomit-sponge) and try to catch it in my open hand.

Note to self: don't do that anymore.

I get Will out of the pool and over to the showers and try to rinse us both off as best I can. That's when Jason comes up and takes over and severely stresses that I go into the ladies room and take off my swim top and rinse it out in the sink. That was quite possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever done. The vomit had indeed gone down my top and collected in the elastic waistband underneath the bra cups. Just when I thought I'd gotten it all, I'd find more gathered in the shoulder straps and clasps. How the hell did it get behind me?!

When I felt comfortable enough to go back out I was surprised to find people still in the pool. Apparently nobody noticed my tiny little fish discharging a days' worth of food out of his nose and mouth into my bathing suit. I didn't feel comfortable getting back in before I managed to completely disinfect the suit, so I sat in a lounge chair in the sun until I realized just how ripe I smelled. I hoofed it back home to make dinner and wait for my boys to join me.

When they did, Will went immediately into the tub and felt much better.

There's a Flashdance joke in here somewhere but I'll leave that for you to make.

Suck it

OK. I give. In the past two months:

• My friend had a beautiful baby girl. The child can already lift one eyebrow and I swear she rolls her eyes at me when I tell a bad joke (which is often). Also, best water-breaking story ever: Friend was uncomfortably pregnant and believed the child was going to be Buster Bluth-ing it in her womb. Friend and her mom did a quick shopping trip and after walking out of the dressing room, Friend felt it. All down her pants and form a puddle in her shoes. What does Mom do? Mom says she doesn't want to waste her 30% off coupon and goes ahead and checks out. The topper is that Mom drove Dad's new car to the store and parked at the end of the parking lot so Friend had to walk with water-laden clothes and shoes out to the BFE of parkings spots. I love Friend's mom so very much for giving me this story.
• Our friends Rob and Noelle welcomed their first (human) baby, Jackson, in early May. We haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet b/c we don't live close, but we're excited to do so in just a week or so!
• I had a birthday--it was...memorable. Heh. Mom took me to Shreveport on a Gilmore trip where we slept until noon, ate dinner too late and lost all the money we came with. As it should be. Also, I got the most awesome birthday wish ever from the aforementioned Jackson. Kid can sing, yo.
• Will has become a ping pong player with the maddest of skills. We have ping pong balls on top of our kitchen cabinets. His hand-eye coordination is astounding to me: he can hit balls that have been thrown at him (we're good parents, honest!). He loves lightning, Dave Gould, Poppa and, apparently, boys. Will plays very well with other children, especially other children named Violet. Dave and Bethany came up for a surprise visit, immediately following an exotic trip to Costa Rica (which parts of apparently look like Texas), and Will and Violet played wonderfully together. Anytime Will showed evidence of a temper tantrum, Violet gave him a look then looked at her mom all "What's his problem?".
• Jason turned 31. We had a party! And people showed up! I drank too much and didn't take pictures though.
• Stacey was in for a visit. Made a quick 20-hour trip to Austin where I learned that, in all fairness, linen is a tight weave. Also? Three women can finish a bottle of rum pretty easily. I did take pictures of this and promise to post the one or two that didn't turn out completely blurry.

So, those are the highpoints of the past couple of months.

Sibling Rivalry

Found it! I found it! The most wonderful picture ever!

(Courtesy of Awkward Family Photos)

Two months, huh? Sorry...

For Bethany

This site is so right up your alley. Oh, hey!


Not that you're bad at crafts--that's the one way you, Jason and my mom are sickeningly alike

Tour Chernobyl?

Interesting, with a good dose of chilling and some creepy thrown in too.

Finally!

A place to get my whiskers styled for a fancy evening out.

So today sucked. My company laid off 30% of the Network staff (you're defined in my company as being Network or Traffic). I'm thankful--really--that I'm not part of that, but all remaining employees are being asked to take a salary cut. Granted, it's not a 100% cut in salary, but it still hurts.

Let me explain something: I'm about to celebrate my nine-year anniversary with The Company. Nine years. I've been employed with The Company longer than Seinfeld was on the air. Longer than All in the Family. Anyway, I went from 2002 until 2008 without any kind of pay increase. I moved into a safe (meaning not ghetto) house in a better (no hate crimes) neighborhood in a city with a higher cost of living with no adjustment to my income. Again, I reminded myself that at least they were letting me keep my job. Then last year I was given some good news: I got a 3% raise. My company recognized my increased job duties and supervisory skills in an area where I had absolutely no desire to become versed and awarded me a 3% increase in my worth.

Too bad this was right on the heels of daycare tuition increases making the whole thing a moot point.

Where was I? Oh yeah, 3% in six years. So, in exchange for my job, they're reducing my salary by 5%. Not only did my raise really get negated, but they took more than they gave me in the first place. I make less today in 2009 than I did in 2002; I'm worth less. I'm worthless.

Thanks Westwood One. Thanks Shane, Peter and Tom (page 5). You guys are the best. Enjoy the remaining 1-3 years left on your contracts that we still legally have to pay you millions of dollars for. Appreciate it.

Dickheads.

Someone loves me

So for a while now I've been mourning the loss of a couple of my favorite tv shows: Arrested Development and Veronica Mars.

Someone has answered my prayers.

I just discovered Party Down. (This gives you the first episode. You're welcome).

It's got a very AD feel to it with some of the sight gags and situations. The boss has a slight David Brent from the British Office. Almost everyone on the screen at any given time has been in either Veronica Mars or Freaks and Geeks (two words: Bill and Haverchuck).

It's almost as though Rob Thomas, Judd Apatow and Paul Rudd thought "What would Jill like to watch on a Friday night?" I don't remember writing the wish list but they've apparently gotten a copy and put it into production.

Of course, since I'm already salivating over only the first episode, it will of course be cancelled toute de suite, but since it's on cable I might get six episodes out of this. God willing.

Soccer-a-no-go

Pele he is not.

So today was our first--and probably last--Spring soccer practice. Will did pretty well at the three drills he attempted, but he's not so much with the listening to directions. Any readers may have two minutes of "I Told You So"s starting now.

The coach, Amy, had said that all they wanted this age group to do is kick the ball in the goal. There we're good. Will kicked the ball as hard as he could towards the goal and everyone clapped. Then he needed a Bubba Water break (you can barely see the cup in his hands: it's bright pink).

The second drill was a run and kick. I believe soccer players actually call it "dribbling".

Please notice the approach. Will keeps the ball well within his limits and maintains control at all times. Too bad it's veering directly left of the actual goal.

He did make it in however:

He did start the afternoon in shin guards and would actually point them out to various people on the field. He'd also randomly shout out "I got shin guards!" at different points during practice. It reminded me of those stupid forwarded emails I got freshman year of college about how to freak people out in elevators: my favorite was "I've got new socks on."

Anyway, like I said, he did a few drills but always wound up running back to us crying and I spent most of the hour-long practice holding him. I had a feeling he wasn't developed enough for this (even though he was faaaar from being the smallest one of the ten) but figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot. So tomorrow I'll call and withdraw him and attempt to get our money back. We'll try again in the fall.